aaaaaaand….. we’re back!
Aaaaaaand….. we’re back!
Hello everyone! After a three month hiatus I, the great Orbax, have returned to absolutely consistently update the failed daily blog that our newsfeed has become. This time I promise to be more consistent… or perhaps just promise the definition of consistency, which could be updating or not updating.
You see, I just Kobayashi Maru’ed this thing proving myself to be a genius to the 5 people who will get that reference.
My ability to express myself via the written word has not waned in the last three months nor has my sense of self import.
I know what you’re thinking… it’s been ages since any updates and in all honesty not even the upcoming shows section has been updated in a while. This must mean that the Monsters have been up to something… and I’m sure that whatever it is it’ll be amazing!
Well you, dear reader, are not wrong!
As you can see by my Instagram stories during that time I not only made a killer chili once, but that I also made some jokes about cats.
In reality, our annual holiday break was well needed this year and has resulted in some excitement for upcoming appearances across the globe. We’ve been doing a lot of admin over the break and as of right now it’s looking like the Monsters are going to hit at least seven countries (visas and contracts permitting) over four continents in 2017 (and yes… one of them is North America). This year more than any other you have the greatest chance of us coming within 20 000 km of you (I am well aware that that is half the circumference of the earth… that’s the joke).
I’ve also spent some time on a new act. Over the past fifteen years I’ve trained myself to perform every traditional sideshow act in the business. While many of these don’t even make it to the stage I’ve prided myself on being an acolyte of sideshow (meh, gotta be proud of something I guess).
A few months ago I gave myself the goal of swallowing my first sword by the time I turn forty. As February gets closer and closer my failure looms larger and larger on the horizon. I’ve managed to consistently get the blade past the first of the two major throat restrictions, however that has resulted in a total swallowed length of about 2.5 inches. While not really that impressive on its own, I’ve been contemplating turning the resultant 5-15 minutes of bleary eyed gagging into its own act.
I can see it now… “Behold, the man too old to be trying to learn something new! Watch as his heaving body rejects the 18 inches of cold steel he attempts to jam down his throat! Marvel at the way in which he works on this daily and yet cannot spend twenty minutes typing a blog! Feast your eyes upon a man who should be more worried about the increasing loss of vision in his right eye than he should be about learning a stupid new thing that won’t even go into the act likely!”
Well joke’s on you, I actually can’t STOP thinking about my increasing loss of vision.
But you know what? There’s one thing I base my life on and that is that we live in a world where science will one day be able to fix everything that is wrong with me.
I just hope that day occurs within my lifetime.
This Friday I will be appearing at the Making Box in Guelph as part of their Royal City Heroes program. I’ll be getting interviewed and telling some stories, and the talented crew of the Making Box will be doing improvs based on it. Facebook link here… should be a fun time!
I’m excited to see the improvs that come out of an interview primarily composed of the word ‘fuck’.